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ShowBiz TV #alias blog Grammies Adele

All a bit dull, wasn’t it? Too few awards categories, too many so-what (and some downright terrible) performances. Too many bit-part players and also-rans giving it what-for and underwear. I could have got an early night.

The Grammys pride themselves on being ‘the Oscars of the music industry’. Boy, there was a time. We used to party for three days afterwards, on the back of it, but let’s not go showing our age. They bleat about ‘getting with the programme’ and being ‘edgily au courant’, blah-di-blah-di, but a lot of this was over the edge and just plain past it. Anyway, here they are, the moments that stuck in the craw. Let’s have it with some ginger ale:

TAYLOR SWIFT: Oh please. I’m so bored. I adored her in the Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana Country flick that I’ve already forgotten the name of, when she came on all apple-pie in her gauzy petticoats and battered cowboy boots, and strumming a frayed guitar. I’m not sold on her pop excursion, to be frank. Feels like she’s sold out. Besides, it got old already. How odd that the Grammys should decide to open such an important show with something less than groundbreaking; didn’t we first hear that song a year and a half ago or more? What else did she manage to bring to it, other than yet another old-fashioned haircut and a glimpse (perhaps I imagined it) of knicker? Joanna Lumley wore it better (the pants and the hair) as Purdey. Then Swifty had to go and bitch at Kanye (Kanye not) for having a pop at her in one of his ditties. Yawn. Pot, kettle. Give it a rest, pop-pickers. Just climb up there and enjoy your moment in the limelight. It is the gracious thing to do. I’ll have a Dubonnet.

Taylor Swift Grammies ShowBiz TV

ADELE: she took Album and Record of the Year in 2012. So this should have been a triumph, right? What the Trump went wrong with her audio? Live television, for sure, but come, on, most experienced and most highly-paid TV production luvvies in the world. Not since the sound went down on McCartney and the Who at Live Aid (yes, I was there, and Mother Mary, wasn’t it painful, bark if you disagree) have we witnessed such embarrassment, for which there is absolutely no excuse. Hasn’t technology come a long way. Hasn’t it? It wasn’t exactly apparent at this. Not only that, but the lighting guys really didn’t like our gal, did they. That yellow spot made her look as though she’s been egged, and bleached out her features to the point of death-mask. Adele’s a low-key lady. She doesn’t chuck it about or ask for much. She went to the BRIT School, she’ll do the washing-up. Stick her in a twinkly black frock that she’s worn before (we saw this one on the X-Factor), give her a quick comb-through, a slick of lippy, a mic on a stand and a PA that works, and she can floor the world. Shouldn’t be too much to ask, should it. It is, after all, a music awards ceremony.

Adele ShowBiz TV Grammies

LADY GAGA: Oops, she did it again. Stefani may not be the best singer on planet Earth, but she steals it every time. Cheek and chutzpah are her watch-words, and she thrashes this kind of occasion in throat-curdling style. She wasn’t going to stop at the Superbowl national anthem, oh dear no. This time, the dame went for a full-on and nigh-on pornographic tribute to The Dame, and she didn’t hold back. It was almost as if Bowie himself were there, directing her from the wings. I bet he was.

RIHANNA: poor sweetheart. Sore voice. She had to pull out right before red light, so her show didn’t go on. It really should have. “Kiss It Better” might have blasted a bit of oxygen into this tired and emotional evening. Thanks, half a Bulmer’s.

Rihanna Grammies ShowBiz TV

HAMILTON: This thrilling, dynamic Broadway show has taken the musical theatre world by storm – tried getting a ticket yet? We have; five hundred green ones and a queue into next year, good luck with that – and for once, the Grammy producers got the point. They couldn’t have chosen better, and they did this sensational production proud. Creator Lin-Manuel Miranda’s acceptance speech for Best Musical Theatre Album got them going. We’re on a roll, now. Got any Warnink’s Advocaat?

KENDRICK LAMAR: Oh what a picture, what a photograph! You can’t take this away from him, and no one should try. He rose, nay, soared, above the mediocrity of the presentation to steal the night, his star fixed resolutely in the firmament. Inspired production values and truly artistic interpretation. Way to go, that man. Hold that flicker. The ‘most ambitious man in music’? Oh go on, then. A tonic water.

Adele features in our “Pop Profiles” show that airs on ShowBiz TV at 12 noon this Thursday 18th February and Rihanna features in our “Pop Profiles” show airing on Monday 22nd February at 12 noon. ShowBiz TV can be found on Sky Channel 266.

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